Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk

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(314): View more from Missouri

What did you even date her?

(214): View more from Texas

because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

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(303): View more from Colorado

One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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(772): View more from Florida

You took a bar mat shot.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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(519): View more from Ontario

It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.

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