i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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