you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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