This girl is more easily done than said...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
