Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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