Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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