Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
