What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
