I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
