I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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