Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
