So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
