i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize