Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
