I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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