trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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