the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
