dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
