If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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