Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
