and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
