i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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