we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
