were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
