i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
