apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
