That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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