problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
