Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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