Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
