Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
