Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
