I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
