Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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