we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
