3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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