She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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