He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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