Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
