I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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