I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
