Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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