Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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