You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
