eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
