hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
