Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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