I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
