the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
