My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing