Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..