i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.