please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.