I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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