I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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