Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
