Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
