somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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