Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sober January is a disaster.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
