I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
