If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
