I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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