I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize