Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
