This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
