Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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