Quick, to the slutcave!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
