Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
