is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
