So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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