True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
