Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
